Equality

The only place in the military I’ve seen which allows for true separation of rank is in sports. In sports, you can’t bitch at me because you outrank me. You can only bitch at me when I break a rule, or am beating you so badly that you are crying. And perhaps that’s what makes certain sporting events in the Army so fun – it is at last an equal playing field.

When you’re enlisted, and junior enlisted at that, you take a lot of shit from those above you in rank. When for reasons too complex to explain your company is top heavier than Dolly Parton, the shit that “rolls downhill” can be monumental. In certain situations, it can be enraging. Other times, it can be enjoyable.

Blue and I were in ammunition detail at an M161 range back in July. Our job was to take every round of ammunition out of the boxes, and put a specified amount into every magazine, and then label the magazine. Later, when firers were ready to qualify with their weapon we handed out the ammunition. It is a very simple task, but the day as a whole was made much more complex by the clever intervention of a number of senior enlisted individuals. It went as such:

“You two! You need to go over to the range briefing so that you can go fire on your weapons!” said one E72.
As we walked out of the ammunition shack and towards the bleachers where we had been directed, we were stopped again.
“You two! Where are you going?” said another E7.
“We’re going over to the bleachers to get a range briefing,” we replied.
“Good, go over to those bleachers” the E7 reiterated.
As we walked on we were stopped by not one, not two, but three individuals in a pack.
“Hey! Where are you going?!” demanded the E83, with nods of approval from the two E7s next to her.
“We’re going to the bleachers to get a range brief…” we muttered, our enthusiasm wavering.
“Well, hurry up!” she scolded us.
As we approached the bleachers, totaling less than 100 meters of walking, a final E7 corralled us. “Where are you two going?” he pondered.
“To be honest at this point I don’t know” I laughed, while Blue politely informed the E7 of our destination.
“Well, that’s no longer going on, so head back to the ammo shack.”
“…Okay?” Our confusion regarding the issue was obvious, but no notification of it’s registry in the mind of the E7 was given. We pivoted and retraced our steps, only to be harassed again.
“Where are you two going?” demanded the E8 again.
Informing her of our now futile journey, she directed us back to whence we came, and into the waiting stance of a final E7.
“Where are you two going?” Déjà vu, I thought, is this all a joke?
“Back to ammo detail, there isn’t a range briefing going on.”
“Of course there isn’t, get back to work,” he said as he turned and walked away from us, chiding our behavior as dogs are smacked for digging to fetch a bone.

Our laughter was palpable, but it only served to cloud the lesson learned. If you’re really that top heavy, you’re bound to fall as an organization without organizational skills. And hard. Almost as hard as the officers playing rugby dealt with a well placed shove that toppled them.
“My bad, sir. Your ball.”
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1) The M16, for reference is a hand held, shoulder fired, magazine fed, air-cooled, gas powered, 5.56 mm semi-automatic or three round burst assault rifle. The M stands for model, and 16 is the 16th attempt at an assault rifle. An assault rifle differs from a carbine (see the M4 Carbine) in that it is a longer weapon.
2) An E7 in the Army is a Sergeant First Class, the E signifying enlisted and the 7 being the pay grade, the 7th highest on the enlisted scale.
3) An E8 is a First Sergeant, or Master Sergeant. A First Sergeant (1SG) is an E8 in a command position, usually the “right hand” to a Company Commander (Captain traditionally). A Master Sergeant is an E8 in a non-command position.